Passage of Time

It’s been a really long time since we have wrote here but I was thinking of this the other day and wanted to start it back up.

So much happiness has happened since our last entry, which I think I’ll let the other sisters do their writing about their own moments, and I’ll later write about my joys.

Today, I want to talk about the grief that was the cause of us to forget about this blog for a while in the first place.

Our daddy died.

Those three words have had the biggest effect on our lives. A ripple effect really, causing waves and waves of changes- both in who we are and how we live our lives.

It was a cold Saturday in December. ” A day that will live in infamy” both for people remembering Pearl Harbor, and for me,my family and father’s friends. As most days that turn out to completely change you seem to go, it felt very normal. I remember being really excited because Christy and Rick were coming in for the weekend. I had been busy decorating my first apartment for Christmas. because I saw the visit as a great opportunity ┬áto throw a little get together at my place, and do some wine and chocolate tastings that I had learned about at a tour, the week before.

Mom called me that morning and told me that Dad was making breakfast for everyone and that I should come over. Usually I would never turn that down, but I was busy prepping for everyone to come over. I started hanging garland and making buffalo chicken dip, in anticipation for the day. While I was baking for the party, Mom, Christy, Rick, and Daddy went to get the Christmas Tree. That night we would decorate, as was family tradition.

Everyone came over and I was in my joy, hosting. I remember when Daddy came in the door. I had seen him on Thursday but he hugged me like he hadn’t seen me in days, like he really missed me. As he hugged me, he kissed my cheek. Maybe God let the moment stick in my mind because it was my last hug. Even so, the hug would have remained in my memory, even if it had not been the last because I remember thinking in that moment, how much my Dad loved me, and how much I loved him. It was just one of those moments in time that completely freezes in your mind and stays there. A moment that when you remember it, you not only remember it but you FEEL it. I still feel it to this day.

After the party, the guys went back to chop wood at the house. The girls went to some boutiques and a party the health food store was having. We got back to the house around 4:45.

I remember pulling in the driveway and it was dark, my car lights were on. I remember my lights shining in the back of the truck, and seeing the Christmas Tree still there. I remember thinking it was weird that Dad wouldn’t have insisted that they bring in the tree before dark. I remember walking in and the guys being in the kitchen but Daddy wasn’t in there like he would have been preparing snacks for our tree decorating, if things were normal. I remember Mom asking where he was and Rick saying he was laying down. I remember walking back the hallway with Mom, because we both felt something wasn’t right. I remember seeing my dad and knowing instantly that he was gone….forever.

Very little from the upcoming months really sticks out to me. I think God guarded my heart with a shield to heal. It was more like coasting through life, rather than living. I say that, although, I felt peace about it the entire time. Everything about the situation, God handled in kindness. He took him instantly, the coroner said. I know God had us come home shortly after, because there was nothing we could have done. If I had been there, I would have blamed myself, thinking there was something I could have done in those moments. God made it very obvious that it was my Dad’s time, my kind, gentle, funny, and loving father.

Death is not easy to deal with but it does get easier with time. You develop into a different person. You think completely differently. Things that were important to you before, you now realize are trivial.

Always treat the ones you love like it’s their last day, and last moment. Usually, when that moment actually does come, you’re not expecting it.